The Love Dilemma

I know I'm going to take a lot of flak for this but here goes....

There seems to be a lot of over usage of the word "love". This word gets bandied about so much, that no one seems to know the true meaning anymore. Worse yet, the word and meaning is further sullied by things such as "luv" and "I heart u". This is unhealthy not only to individuals, but to society as a whole. It seems as if no one knows the difference between real love and something else.

Now before you start blasting me with the "all you need is love" and "just love, baby", let me narrow down where I'm coming from with this....

Like most of you, I've been in good relationships and bad relationships. I've been in love so much that I wondered how I'd got that far in life without that person by my side and others....not so much. This is something that's been learned....not just an automatic reaction of sorts (I'm not saying that romantic love doesn't exist, I'm saying that some of us need to learn how to keep it, which I have) I've learned the difference between love and lust, emotional investment, and just going through the motions.

There is also a big difference between being in love and being in love with the idea.

So many folks have the house picked out, the wedding details planned, the honeymoon set up and the kids named....all they have left to do is to find a warm body to walk down the aisle with.

Sometimes, folks do this on auto pilot, or because you're "supposed to". Other people set a goal such as " I want to married by the time I'm 25." or some other agenda.....essentially affecting someone else' life.

This is an unhealthy habit that needs to be corrected within our society.

I'll point you in the direction of my favorite "NJ Divorce Attorney Website" that has all of my thoughts on the subject of relationships in print (I just found it one day several years ago and was amazed at how it seemed as if my thoughts were in print. )

http://www.userniche.com/LoveAndDivorce/ASP/UserNicheMainPage.asp?ID=22

Recently, I decided to start dating again. Not to ride off into the sunset as part of some grandiose fairy tale, as it were, but to get out of the house. If something more grew and developed out of that, then good for me. I was looking for someone to be my friend. After all I've been through, the last thing I was looking for was the big fairy tale ending.

After meeting someone who I liked and got along with well enough, and dated for 3 months, I discovered that I was emotionally absent....not only from the relationship itself, but from everything, I decided to end the connection as it was her feelings that were getting trampled, and I never once pretended, or faked, or acted anything else. I was reminded about how bad of a partner I was and how much I was emotionally absent every time she told me that she missed me or how much she liked me.....I couldn't deal with that and the constant disagreements over nothing that we would argue about.

As a last ditch attempt to salvage what was perceived as great by her, she told me that she had drank large amounts of alcohol with Tylenol PM (a weak attempt that will only screw up your liver). I'm sickened that she would play that game after my experience.

She also told me that she loved me....

So like most things in life, I've used this as a learning experience.

It's best for me to remain single.....until I can find my missing emotions. It's not fair to anyone else.