National Survivors of Suicide Day

As some of you know, or don't know, today, November 21st, is National Survivors of Suicide Day. This day is for the families and friends of folks who committed suicide and how to deal with the great loss involved, questions that they ask themselves, how could they have prevented it, ect.

I can tell you....No, let me stress to you, someone who is attempting to kill themselves doesn't think of the impact that the event will have on others, nor does one realize the far reaching effects it will have.

This day is to raise awareness in the hopes that the suicide rate will go down. If we reach enough folks with this message, less loved ones will have to ask the question "What could I have said or done".

The answer is hard to determine. When you're in the throes of an emotionally devastating event, the last thing you're thinking about is your family and friends. All you want is out...and out NOW!

When people look at my scars, the first thing they ask is "didn't that hurt?" The answer is NO! You would think that carving yourself up with a carpet knife would hurt, but it pales in comparison to the emotional pain experienced at the time. I'm often asked where I got the carpet knife. Truth is, I didn't go out and buy it, it was given to me.


I'm still amazed that I'm alive today to write about this....I should be dead.....but I'm not. A question I ask everyday....why am I still alive? What's my purpose? And I go about my day, wondering about this.

A great article I read today by Christine Stapleton - http://www.palmbeachpost.com/health/content/accent/epaper/2006/11/26/depress.html - explains how it is to go though it. These are thoughts that go through your head....

I'm sure it'll make me sound like a twisted bastard, but I planned my attempt, looking at the clock thinking, "I'll be dead in 30 minutes....I'll be dead in 10 minutes..." and so on. There are 3 vivid memories that I think about a lot from that night....
1) - Lisa screaming at me while I was laying there bleeding to death and the trauma she's suffered from the experience.
2) - Me sobbing "Just let me die" to the paramedics and trauma doctors.
3) - My brother and my mother, who are emotional rocks, weeping when they came to visit me in the emergency room, seeing me hooked up to all of the machines and tubes....

Just remember the impact that your death will have on others....none of it positive. If you're thinking that suicide is the answer, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention can be found here - http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=1 If you or someone you know can write grants for them, please contact them. This is something the general public needs to be made aware of.

As for me, I'm doing better. The scars are still there....both physically and emotionally....but on a really positive note, my first byline was accepted and published in a brand new fly fishing magazine to launch in February. I've secured a position as saltwater columnist....and I'm back out camping and fishing....

Still wondering why I'm here.....