Emotion free after all of these years
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I have a confession to make. Recently, I've come to the realization that I'm emotionally indifferent....emotionally deficient....emotionally numb.
In other words, like most men.
Where did all of my feelings go? I have no idea. I think that they bled out of me back in July....but wouldn't the blood transfusions replace them?
Ha! Not so fast there bucko. I wish I could just get a blood transfusion and it would be that simple.
Probably just the mind's natural defense system to keep from experiencing any more emotional pain....
I've been hurt in the past and it always seems to heal with time, but I've never felt emotionally indifferent before....
Like being in an emotional desert - you thirst for some sign or feeling that you're alive...that you're human....but there is no feeling. Just indifference.
I recently realized this when the person that I'm dating and I had a few issues to sort out. It was apparent that I have no emotional attachment to this person, so why would I be concerned if we weren't together any longer? It's not fair to her, no matter how fabulous she may think I am.
For the first time, I'm in control over my emotions and my feelings however, I didn't want to be in control of nothing as they don't appear to be present any longer....and to be reminded of this fact gets old. I feel like Spock on Star Trek...know that I should have feelings and emotions, but not finding them there.
Seems that the only feelings that I have for anything is the love for my dog Lacy.
Anyone know how to get out of this emotional desert?
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I know I'm supposed to feel that way, but it doesn't matter to me. I'm just waiting for that switch to be turned on.
This sounds exactly like my husband. The weird thing about it, he also has a dog named Lacey. I know this is very difficult for you to go through because I see it everyday with my husband. I get hurt a lot because of it. He shows know emotion, no feelings, and basically he is just plain mean. I try to be there the best that I can emotionally, but it is tearing me down as well. It's very difficult to get over someone, and about 10 years ago my husband would have told you that it was impossible. But now he did move on, but during that time he actually made himself become numb so that he wouldnt have to feel the pain of what she did to him. For a long time when we first met he did a good job at hiding the pain and the hurt. Now though its drove us apart. He has finally made an apt. to try to go get some help. I don't know anything about your situation, just from what I read here. And I'm not sure if you do go somewhere for help of any nature, but I would try it. It will drive people away, and it will also hurt you. If you ever want to talk you can email me.
Yes, I do go to regular therapy, but I feel as if she just agrees with me and tells me what I want to hear....although I'm 100% better than I was 6 months ago, Having the absence of feelings and emotions isn't like me at all....
That is what my husband said also when he went years ago. It's just you have been hurt very badly and it will take time to heal. I'm not sure that I can give you any advice that you haven't already heard but, just try to surround yourself with loved ones and family. It wont fill the hole that is there, but what can it hurt?
I hate to tell you Rob, but I think I'm more or less in the same place. I don't feel very much for the men I dated...I've been hurt too much...I've felt too much before, to my vast detriment...and so, basically, I've stopped dating.
I certainly can't tell you what to do now, since I don't know myself. Everyone's well-meaning advice has not, repeat NOT worked out for me very well.
Good luck my friend and hope you get more well than I.
That's a scary place to be. Almost as scary as the other extreme which led to you having too much emotion bleed out. Could you be subconsciously trying to avoid going to that place again? Maybe you've placed yourself in a protective barrier. That seems dangerous to me, because those two spectrums on the emotional wheel always seem to make full circle. Somewhere in the middle is just as safe. It's okay to make yourself vulnerable again, but it's not okay to be disrespected, taken advantage of, or disregarded. If those things led you to this place, then you need to get out of the relationship you are in.
Dont be affraid to look your self in the mirror and say that you are still in love with the person that hurted you in the past.You must face the trueth.And maybe you need more time before you love someone again.Untill then just wait.
Thanks for all of your comments! Wow! Unfortunately, the person mentioned read it and was none too happy about it. I haven't lied, pretended, acted or presented any other dishonest facet....this is something that we've talked about. And it seems the answer is "You're a selfish prick"., which I already knew....so maybe I'm better off not dating anyone. Too easy for the other person to get hurt.
Maybe you just haven't found the person that lights the fire in you yet. It's still possible. You can't expect to fall in love with everyone you date.
I think you would have been more selfish to not put this out there. Good luck with your future.
It's so hard to share with another human, let alone share your heart and soul. I believe some never find that connection. Not because they are bad or different,maybe just more honest? But if it is what you crave, then one day the right person will open the door to emotional release. I remarried at 50, despite vowing I never would again. I still struggle with sharing 'me', but it is worth the pain.
No pain, no gain. The right person will understand this...and you.
I read this page only today... Much time has passed since its pubblication. How are you now?
I am a person particularly sensible and I have not idea of what mean being emotionally numb. I only know that the emotions are those things that make our life intense, colorful, rich.
I hope that that bad period is over for you!
fucsia,
Yes! I'm doing much better and it appears that time WILL heal all wounds but on the emotional level, I'm still like Spock from Star Trek...
Thanks for asking!
AndRebeccawrites 2 years ago
I wish I had answers for you, but the level of emotionless connection is one I have not experienced. It seems only through connection does one establish emotional ties. Perhaps you can focus on one person and make your time together all about them. Listen, ask questions, do what they would like to do, sacrifice your own needs and wants for awhile so that you can become 'invested' in another soul.
Worth a try.......maybe?